3 Steps to Prioritize People over Problems with Empathy
February 22, 2024 | By David M. Wagner
When I interview the members of an organization for their strategic plan, I often hear the concerns that staff have about their leaders.
You might think that “our leaders immediately tried to solve an issue” would rate as praise, not a complaint.
But instead of engendering gratitude for their assistance, leaders who jump into problem-solving may cause team members to feel--
Unimportant to that leader,
Undervalued and unheard, and
Hesitant to raise concerns again in the future.
Why? By prioritizing problem-solving before addressing the emotional experiences of our teams, we fail to exhibit empathy.
Concern Before Solutions
Empathy is one of the essential superpowers that highly-effective leaders use to ensure their teams feel seen, heard, and like their voices matter. It’s the difference between promising a new ice cream cone to an upset child who has dropped theirs (problem-solving) and simply acknowledging how upset they are first (empathy).
It is always appropriate to put your people first. And it can be the most difficult in the face of problems – whether raised by, or caused by, your team. It’s tempting to rush in and quickly resolve the issue. But unless delaying action would cause worse problems, leading with empathy in a stressful moment is a powerful way to demonstrate how much you value your team members.
Empathy in 3 Steps
When there’s been an issue and you feel that urge to jump in and put out the fire, stop yourself and make sure you do these three things first.
Verify understanding. Begin with inquiry. Assume you don’t have all the facts yet and ask questions to ensure you have the full picture. What really happened? Who was involved? What are the potential consequences? What else is important to know – in the opinion of your team – for you to fully grasp the situation?
Validate feelings. Once you’re sure you understand the issue, think: What might your team be feeling? Are they hurt? Angry? Ashamed? Scared? Listen for subtle hints about what else they may be experiencing. Acknowledge and validate those emotions. (E.g., “That sounds like a really hurtful experience. I can imagine you might feel vulnerable or even angry about it.”) Let your team clarify and elaborate on what they’re feeling.
Ask what they need. Maybe they want you to solve the problem. Maybe they want to solve it themselves – and just want to know you care about their concerns. Maybe they need some comfort or another form of compassion. Confirm what would serve them best and, if it’s appropriate and in your power, provide it.
When we prioritize addressing the experiences of our people over solving their problems, we show them how much we value them, which makes them feel included. Building inclusivity through empathy is one part of the people-centric approach I help nonprofit leaders cultivate in their organizations. To get started amplifying your team’s mission impact, set a free consult today.