The Emotional Elephant in the Room
January 11, 2024 | By David M. Wagner
Our emotions have a nasty habit of leaking out of our heads and into our facial expressions, tone of voice, and how we interact with others.
We all go through stuff. None of us is a robot. (No offense to robots.)
So what to do when we, or someone on our team, is having one of those days?
Ignoring the Elephant
Some work cultures emphasize suppressing emotions in the name of professionalism. Which is like trying to ignore an elephant in the room.
I made that mistake, with my own feelings, during a meeting.
My colleagues saw me scowl at my laptop screen, slam it shut, and toss it behind me. Their interpretation? That they had said something to upset me.
Actually, my laptop had frozen (again), and I couldn’t follow along with key documents for the meeting.
By not acknowledging that I was frustrated – and what about – my colleagues got the wrong message. When I found out, I was embarrassed and quickly sent an apology email. (To the team. I was still mad at the laptop.)
Dealing with the Elephant
A better alternative is to deal with the (emotional) elephant in the room.
This is not the same as inviting an elephant into any room it pleases and make itself comfortable. By which I mean – we have a responsibility not to let personal issues stand in the way of executing our mission.
As people-centric leaders, we set the tone for how to deal with emotions in the workplace. That boils down to seeking – and providing – support in healthy outlets, determined by the context.
Seek out – and provide – support. Leverage and raise awareness of resources like employee assistance programs and flexible work schedules. Share at least as much with colleagues or your team as they need to know to support you. Lend an empathetic ear when others share an issue of their own. Privately ask how you can be supportive if you notice someone seems “off.”
Find and create healthy outlets. I’ve seen close-knit teams start daily meetings with a quick opportunity for everyone to share anything that might be affecting them that day, good or bad. A brief email – “Hey everyone, just want you ask for your grace this week…” – can go a long way. Foster strong individual relationships, between individuals and their supervisors or among peers, to create safe spaces for addressing personal challenges.
Weigh the context. When is emoting “healthy,” vs. asking for too much? Trust your gut. Consider factors like the relationships involved, how personal the challenge is, and the significance of the underlying concern. Two guidelines: quickly redirect emotions expressed at others and err on the side of showing grace.
Don’t be – or ignore – the elephant. This is one approach I coach nonprofit leaders to adopt to create work cultures that give their strategies a chance to really make an impact. Set a free consultation to get started making yours an emotion-safe workplace.