3 Words to Eliminate from your Leadership Vocabulary
May 14, 2026 | By David M. Wagner
Language matters.
The words we choose to use can have a profound impact on others or on how they perceive us – often results we don’t intend.
For instance, I’ve already explained why “should” is a dirty word that it would serve you well to stop using (including in how you talk to yourself!). “Should” implies judgment or that it would be morally wrong not to do the thing you say someone (or you) “should” do.
Again, passing judgment may not be your intention – but that can be the impact it has!
So in the spirit of tending to impact, here are three words to consider eliminating from your vocabulary as a leader, all for different reasons. I promise that at least one will surprise you.
“I’m Sorry”
Okay, okay, that’s really two words. If you’re a stickler, let’s just focus on the word “sorry.”
First, some examples of common usage:
“Sorry I’m late!”
“Sorry it took me so long to respond to your message.”
“So sorry, could I just interrupt to add…”
The good intention
“Sorry” is used as a type of politeness, an acknowledgement that you may be doing something counter to others’ expectations or wishes.
The unintended impact
The downside is that “sorry” can unintentionally diminish your power as a leader. Are you incredibly busy, inundated with responsibilities, and in possession of information that others should know? Then there is no reason to apologize for doing your job to the best of your ability.
Like “should,” “I’m sorry” carries a sense of judgment: that it was somehow wrong of you to act or choose or speak the way you have. If that’s not the case, don’t say it.
What to say instead
Reclaim your leadership power by being assertive. Use brief, declarative statements that simply convey the facts:
“I did not intend to keep you waiting. I was on an important call with my board chair.”
“I am just now getting the time to read your message.”
“I do need to interject with something important.”
This advice comes with a caveat: if and ONLY if you truly do have something to apologize for, like forgetting a meeting or making incorrect assumptions about someone’s intentions, saying “I’m sorry” is an important step in making a meaningful apology.
“Family”
Some executives and managers like to play up the notion that “we’re all family here” or that staff, volunteers, or even clients are all “part of the [organization name] family.”
The good intention
The idea of “family” conjures a feeling of closeness, trust, we’re-in-it-togetherness, and shared bonds and values (for some people, at least) – the opposite of those stuffy, impersonal, corporate workplaces many of us feel lucky to have escaped.
The unintended impact
In specific circumstances, like providing housing for youth or serving other people who have experienced trauma – oftentimes at the hands of family members – calling your organization a “family” can have confusing, or even triggering, consequences.
More generally, it’s worth considering that many businesses have abused the term “family” to exploit workers. Taking on extra tasks, working unpaid hours, violating normal boundaries of the job… hopefully that’s not a concept you want associated with your organization.
Sometimes team members have formed tight bonds that extend beyond the workplace. If you or your colleagues share deep friendships or socialize together, recognize that not every prospective team member may feel comfortable with that level of integration. Nor is it appropriate to require them to do so or to feel ostracized if they don’t.
What to say instead
If your team feels like family to you, try putting into words the specific (positive) feelings at the root of that comparison: that sense of trust, having one another’s backs, or something else.
The simple fact is this: your workplace is not your family, nor is it anyone else’s (unless you literally work with your family members). The balance between setting work/personal boundaries and forming bonds with colleagues beyond the workplace (or not) is a personal one.
“Stakeholder”
Full disclosure: I only recently learned of the problematic history behind this term. I am working on scrubbing it from my website, which will take some time.
The good intention
Leaders often use the term “stakeholder” to mean anyone who has an interest in, or is impacted by, their organization, a program, an initiative, or a decision.
The unintended impact
In some communities, especially Indigenous ones, “stakeholder” carries the baggage of colonial settlers who drove stakes into the ground to lay claim to land – land unceded by the Indigenous groups who lived there. (Mark Reed wrote a much more thorough explanation of the concerns and a better exploration of the term’s history and challenges.)
You have probably never referred to your “stakeholders” with the intent to imply that they had unjustly claimed rights to your organization. Even if you do not primarily work with Indigenous groups, you may not realize the impact of that term on those connected with your organization.
In any case, there are other terms that are more descriptive of the relationships different groups have with your organization.
What to say instead
I haven’t found one good catch-all term, but depending on the circumstance, it might be appropriate to refer to:
Community members
Partners
People who care
Interested (and/or affected) parties
Constituents
There’s room to get creative and find a term that best matches your mission and the people connected to it!
If you regularly use any of these terms and now feel compelled not to, please know that you have my support and admiration, without any judgment. Often we are unaware of the impact our words can have until someone points it out. All we can do is try our best to change when the moment calls for it.
What other words have you found it helpful to eliminate from your vocabulary, for any reason? Send me your suggestions! I’m curious and excited to make my own language more inclusive, intentional, and safe.